A Brief History of Canada

Clearly, Canada’s history is the dictionary definition of boring. Just centuries of people sitting around and coming up with new words for snow. It is worth noting that a lot of history of Canada is at some level the history of other countries: more than half of Toronto’s current residents actually were born outside of Canada. Of course, we all have to take at least one Canadian history in high school, but I would think it is fair to say that we likely know more about the history of other countries’ history then our own.

Well, let’s get this snore fest out of the way so that we can move on to more exciting subjects. To summarize, Canada’s aboriginal peoples lived here mostly undisturbed until the late 15th century, where they passed the time by getting in tribal wars with each other. I leave out the boring details – just your usual slaughter, rape, kidnapping and pillaging, yawn. Europeans first arrived when the Vikings settled briefly on the eastern seaboard AD 1000. We all know what a boring crew those Vikings were … so, moving on.

The next Europeans to explore Canada’s Atlantic coast included John Cabot in 1497 for England and Jacques Cartier in 1534 for France; in the 1600s the French settlers waged a frontier guerrilla war against the Iroquois, and later, when the English settled en masse, a vast imperial conflict had death and bloodshed filling every inhabited corner of the country. The swashbuckling privateers of France battled to the death with the British redcoats, with a series of four Intercolonial Wars erupting between 1689 and 1763. The most notable event being the two European superpowers’ bloody clash on the Plains of Abraham. Finally, it looks like the boring details will finally cease as I advise that New France was conquered and the Treaty of Paris (1763) ceded Canada and most of New France to Britain following the Seven Years’ War.

Oh, well – actually, no sooner had New France been conquered than the frontier boiled over and the damn Americans invaded Canada. They were gloriously ousted only to regroup for a later re-attack in 1812. Oh yes, Canada was a major front in the War of 1812 between the United States and British Empire and its defence greatly contributed to a sense of unity among British North Americans. All the while, the adventures continued as explorers braved treacherous whitewater rivers and wild beasts of every description as they continued the country’s expansion toward the Pacific. A dangerous and bloody conflict was then ignited on the western coast as Spain, Britain and the U.S. battled for control of the land. (Make the boredom stop!) The desire for Responsible Government resulted in the aborted Rebellions of 1837, which were summarily crushed by the British government. In 1867, the British colonies joined together to form a dominion, mainly as a defensive move to counter the U.S. Civil War, which threatened to spill over into Canada at any moment. Additionally, a railway way beginning to stretch itself across the land, armed Métis rebellions raged in the Northwest and thousands were making their way to one of the most remote and inhospitable places on earth – the Yukon, where gold was recently discovered. The west was won, the Artic taken and over Europe nations started to gather.

 Canada automatically entered the First World War in 1914 with Britain’s declaration of war, and Canada came into it’s own as our armies established themselves amongst the best in the world. Heavy losses for minimal gains greatly contributed to the national identity. The Conscription Crisis of 1917 erupted when conservative Prime Minister Robert Borden brought in compulsory military service over the objection of French-speaking Quebecers. The Great Depression of 1929 brought economic hardship to all of Canada, turning the prairies into a dustbowl and shortly thereafter Canada was plunged headlong into war once again. (When will this yawn fest end?) Canada declared war on Germany independently during World War II three days after Britain, and well before our American counterparts. The first Canadian Army units arrived in Britain in December 1939 and Canadian troops played important roles in the Battle of the Atlantic, the failed 1942 Dieppe Raid in France, the Allied invasion of Italy, the D-Day landings, the Battle of Normandy and the Battle of the Scheldt in 1944. Despite another Conscription Crisis in Quebec, Canada finished the war with one of the largest armed forces in the world. In 1945, the Cold War began when a Soviet agent defected to our nation’s capital, bringing with him evidence of Communist penetration deep within – ah, why go on? I’ve bored you much too long already and like I said at the start, Canadian history is SO boring. It’s all just murder, mayhem and massacres.

The next important date of note is when Canucklehead Sr., filled with the bravery that can only be achieved through the consumption of a copious amount of rye whiskey, finally worked up the courage to approach my dear mother. My therapist has asked that I not dwell too much on the events of the next little while but in December 1971 the country welcomed Canucklehead: the man who would later come to define a nation. Until next time, keep those questions coming in – I plan to dedicate a post in the near future to addressing these alone.

SOURCE: Canucklehead.ca